the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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