I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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