id be glad to
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
do herpes really smell.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
