that's an acceptable place to lick
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
