i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize