They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This baby is an asshole
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
