please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
