Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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