just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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