"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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