some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize