just tell him i said nine months
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
