I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
