you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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