she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
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Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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