The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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