Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
