dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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