dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
