If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
