can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize