Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
