Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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