so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
