So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
