id be glad to
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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