Can i not drive my cunt home
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i think i just lost a toe
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
