At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
