I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
