foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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