hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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