i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
