Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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