I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
