PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
