Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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