well you can't waste a boner
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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