haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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