i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
