i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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