It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
