do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
