it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
