I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
