well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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