Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
