the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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