o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
