The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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