Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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