I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
