im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I know her cup size but not her name....
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