Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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