oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
