I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
