I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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