I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
