If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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