Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think your dad took our porno
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
