So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
