I'm so fucking centered right now
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
God, I missed his penis.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
