so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
