I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
