your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
